Day +92
Sudden clinic visit
School work

Lab results
WBC: 2.98
HGB: 10.8
Platelet: 163

We didn't have any clinic appointment this week but, ended up having one on Friday.

After last Wednsday's clinic visit, Victoria started showing Petechiae on her body. Petechiae(pronounced puh-TEE-kee-ee) are flat, pinpoint-sized red dots that appear on the skin as a result of bleeding under the skin. They are caused by abnormal bleeding from small blood vessels that have broken close to the skin.  Petechiae are visible when Platelet counts are extremly LOW.  Before BMT, Victoria constantly lived with petechiae on her body. But, it didn't make sense that she was getting it now especially, when her last platelet count was at 157.  Her platelet counts had gone down last 3 times, and her WBC counts in January were much lower compared to December. I thought perhaps, something terrible was happening.  And to make the matter worse, Victoria looked pale. I must have checked her lips every 10 minutes to see how red/pale her lips were and literally flipped over her hands to check the palms & bottom of her feet to see how red/pale they were. They all looked pale to me.  I was literally having a nervous breakdown. I was just overwhelmed with fear.  However, this time it was little different.  Unlike pre-BMT, petechiae were not abundant and it went away on its own in couple of days which was not the case during pre-BMT. The petechiae during pre-BMT went away only after platelet transfusion.  I didn't know what to think of it.

I was having too many "what if?" thoughts and finally, burst into tears on Wednsday night when Viki was sleeping next to me.  I even had a nightmare on that night that her platelet count dropped down to 21.  I called the clinic first thing in the morning and insisted on coming to clinic to check her CBC counts. And that's exactly what we did.

Guess what??
Dr. Haight popped into our room with a big smile and handed me over the CBC count sheet, saying that "Victoria's counts look beautiful and we couldn't ask for a better result at this point."  She also added  "I have not seen anybody look this well after BMT. She's a star at our BMT unit".
All three counts went up this time. What a relief! What a relief!!!  I love Dr. Haight. She made my day and weekend as well. She has assurred me that Victoria will have a 100% of donor cells on her 2nd chimerism test.  Lastly, she jokingly told my husband that I needed a VACATION or need to stay away from Victoria for a while. Maybe she's right. I will need a vacation soon or later.
My husband told her that I drove myself crazy this week. Maybe he's right too.

This week was a nerve-wrecking week for me for sure but, I feel so relieved and blessed that everything ended up on a good note. Thank you Lord, you are awesome!

자식이 아프다는건 정말 세상 그 어떤 고통보다도 더 잔인한 고문일것이다.
이번주는 유난히 힘든 주간이었다. 지난 3주동안 승리의 혈소판 수치가 계속해서 떨어진데다가, Petechiae(혈소판이 부족할때 온몸에 생기는 붉은 반점)이 갑자기 승리몸에서 한두개씩 생기기 시작하니깐 정말 너무너무 무섭고 겁이 났다. 게다가 갑자기 승리 입술에 핏기가 하나도 없어 보이고, 손바닥, 발바닥까지 창백해 보이고, 1월 한달 동안 백혈구 수치가  지난달보다 낮은것이 도대체 승리 골수가 제대로 작동하고 있는건지, 다음주 월요일에 있을 2번째 골수검사를 앞두고 불안하고 초초해서 기도도 안되고 마음둘데 없이 힘들었던 일주일이었다. 오죽했으면 승리 혈소판 수치가 급격히 떨어지는 악몽까지 꾸었을까??
일주일내내 승리 혈색만 살피고, 승리 자는 동안 몸에 또 새로운 Petechiae가 생겼나 머리부터 발끝까지 훑어내리면서 조마조마 불안불안, 나중엔 정신적으로 예민한것 보다도 육체적으로 너무 피곤할정도로...
클리닉 간호사나 의사쌤한테는 내가 너무 호들갑떠는 엄마로 보였을진 모르겠지만 그래도 클리닉가서 카운트 확인하길 얼마나 잘했는지. 지옥에서 천국으로 구원받은 기분이 바로 이런것일까? 다음주 월요일에 있을 골수검사에도 청신호가 들어오는것 같고, 나는 이제 다시 또 정신차리고 내 자리로 돌아와서 열심히 기도, 또 기도해야겠다. 주님께서 언제나 오늘처럼만 우리 승리를 지켜 주시라고~~

Viki and I holding a happy blood count sheet at the clinic.

All of a sudden, Viki looks so pink again after clinic. Don't know why???

Here are some pictures of  Petechiae.

It was hard to capture with a camera and also hard to see but, it was there.

사진엔 잘 담기지도 않는 이 Petechiae를 보고 마음 졸이면서 온갖 불안한 생각에 잠못이룬 극성엄마를  10년뒤, 20년뒤에 이 블로그를 통해 보고 있을 우리딸을 생각하면 웃음이 절로난다.